The last several months have been a journey. They have been a journey in the priority of things and letting go of much that I held onto tightly. They have been a journey of best-laid plans with the ups and downs of the logistics of moving and the many things that haven't gone as expected. They have been a journey of emotions during this waiting period of transition where everything has changed. They have been a journey of hope as we have watched God provide at every turn. I have learned a lot and changed a lot on these various journeys and I know that the journey is not yet over.
I am amazed as we get ready to leave and with the overwhelming amount of work yet to be done and the calm that I have and the peace that is walking with our every step. I am sure there will be chaos in the coming days, there will be tears, there will be moments of uncertainty, but I do believe that these times will be met by a much different person than the one that started out on this journey many months ago.
I have been reading through Psalm during this time. I am not sure exactly what prompted me to turn to this book. It is not one that I have often felt very connected with, but this time it has been different. This time the Psalms have spoken to me in the very moments of deep turmoil and at the heights of joy. The Psalms and the places it has led me has been my safe haven. The promises it holds have walked me along this journey and reinforced many life long lessons.
During a period of time when Dan and I really weren't certain about what we should do with the house, when it seemed like the mountains in our way to getting to Kenya were far higher than we could ever scale and we had some impossible decisions to make these were the Psalms that plopped into my lap over those days and weeks.
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you." Psalm 32:8-9
"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act." Psalm 37:3-5
"He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46: 9-10
What really struck me about this last passage was how there is seeming chaos. It speaks of wars and the destruction of things including fire and shattering of weapons. Then there is a great victory. In my mind this victory isn't a quiet one, it is full of shouting and excitement and triumph. Celebration! The war is over! In the middle of this very tumultuous scene, however, God puts in a sentence that doesn't seem to fit. There is so much going on, all kinds of emotions and this is the moment that he calls us to be still. To just be quiet and understand who he is. To take a moment and recognize him amongst the chaos. He doesn't lead the reader down some pristine path with a bubbling brook with a doe and her fawn drinking peacefully and then ask you to stand still and contemplate him. Certainly this can happen, but this passage is different. The chaos described all too often reflects the chaos of my life and yet these are the moments that he is asking me to stop and acknowledge him.
Anyway, these are some of the things I have been turning over in my mind lately. Thank you for letting me share them with you. I still have much to learn and I am sure I will be brought back to these same lessons many more times over the coming months and years.
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